My journey to discover my value- why does it even matter?

Why does it even matter that we understand our value? For me, this has been a bumpy road. I never thought I really had value intrinsically as myself. And so I spent my life trying to climb the ladder of success to prove to others that I had value. I tried to work harder in the hope that I could prove myself that way. I would do whatever people asked me and couldn't ever say no because saying no showed weakness and therefore perhaps I would be rejected. I would be the first in and the last to leave. And I was constantly striving, very driven and over-conscientious. I don't know if any of this resonates with you. But eventually I burnt out and became very sick and that's what it took for me to finally understand why I needed to discover what my value is intrinsically, just because I am me. And this has taken nearly three years, three years of soul-searching, of some therapy, of talking to friends, talking to God. And finally I'm understanding that my past doesn't define me, my failures don't define me, but then neither does my success. It's actually being myself and seeing who I am and starting to accept myself is where I'm starting to discover my value and therefore my worth and my place in this world.

Discovering our intrinsic value: does it matter?

Understanding our intrinsic value is more than just a philosophical question; it is a journey that can profoundly impact our lives. For me, this understanding has been anything but straightforward—a path marked by challenges and self-discovery.

Growing up, I struggled with the notion of inherent value. I didn't believe I had value just by being me. Consequently, I embarked on a relentless pursuit to climb the ladder of success, hoping that external achievements would validate my worth. My life became a testament to hard work; I would be the first to arrive and the last to leave, driven by an unyielding desire to prove myself. Saying "no" was not an option for me, as it seemed to expose a vulnerability that might lead to rejection (both in work and home!).

In this constant quest to gain approval, I became over-conscientious, never ceasing my efforts to meet the expectations of others. Yet, underneath it all was a fear of not being enough—a fear that led me to burnout and left me grappling with illness. Yet, it was through this adversity that I learned a vital lesson about my intrinsic value.

It took nearly three years of deep soul-searching, therapy, heartfelt conversations with friends, and spiritual reflection to understand the essence of my true worth. I began to realise that neither my past failures nor my successes define me. My value lies in being authentically myself.

I have had to learn who I am, rather than the version of me that others wanted me to be, or that was my perception anyway.

If this resonates with you, what are your options? Well, I would suggest that to start with, you need to make an agreement with yourself. It’s time to take action because in order to be the best version of yourself, you need to understand your intrinsic value, and that's where true growth begins. Without recognising our own worth, we cannot fully thrive or live authentically.

So, if you’re ready to embark on this transformative journey, here are a few steps you can consider:

1. Agree to Begin: The first step is acknowledging that understanding your value is crucial. Make the conscious decision to delve deeper into self-discovery.
2. Engage with Resources: Consider exploring some of the books I’ve written as starting points for reflection and insight into realising your value.
3. Connect for Conversation: Feel free to reach out and connect with me. Together, we can have a conversation that could provide clarity and motivate your journey toward self-discovery.
4. Journal Daily: Start a daily journaling practice to document and explore your interactions with others. Reflect on whether these engagements show you that you have a voice and an opinion. Journaling can provide insight into your daily impact and how you perceive your worth. It has certainly helped me!
5. Prioritise Self-Care: Remember to care for yourself—physically, mentally, and emotionally—as part of acknowledging your value. Self-care reinforces your commitment to nurturing your own worth.

Where would you start, I wonder? Each of these steps offers a path toward a deeper understanding and acceptance of your true self. Embrace the possibility of change and take the first steps toward uncovering the best version of YOU.

This journey has taught me that self-acceptance is the foundation of discovering one's intrinsic value. It’s in embracing our imperfections, understanding our unique qualities, and allowing ourselves to just "be" that we find our place in this world.

For anyone who resonates with this narrative, know that the road may be tough, but it leads to a profound understanding of self-worth. Embrace the journey of self-discovery, for it is there that we uncover the true essence of our value.